Tag Archives: universe

{whatever wednesday} — being OK with being okay…

26 Sep

so… here’s the thing about me… or at least, here’s how things have typically been for me…

although i see the world as very “gray” — i LIVE it very black and white.  what i mean by that is… it has appeared that for me i’m either super high and on top of it creating world peace the whole nine… OR, i’m super down and depressed feeling useless and hopeless and thinking even the flowers are out to get me… there is hardly an in between. seldom did i feel comfortable, content, “in a groove,” or most of all – peaceful.  that wasn’t always something i could FEEL and feel okay with…

i suppose this stems from a shaky childhood and the survival instinct of maturing faster than most due to losing a parent.  it could also have to do with my astrological chart, or the fact that i am a very very impatient old soul… but the truth is, it has always been hard for me to find a balance, or to find some comfort, some love, and some peace in the every day.  i speak of this in past-tense now because i can, because i am confident in saying that i no longer live like that.  i’ve spoken a handful of times now on how i feel i’ve changed over the last year, and am continuing to.  i’ve written about not only feeling the change but seeing it actually play out.  i make conscious choices each day to effect how i see life.  what’s frustrating is when i see people in life for who they are, and all they want to do is fake it — it’s just annoying, because i want to be like “you ain’t foolin’ me” but… i have to be a friggin’ politician about things sometimes and i’m kind of over that…

i digress, as usual. Continue reading →

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{whatever wednesday} — just a rant about life… and living.

19 Sep

i’ve been thinking a lot lately.  about a lot, lately.

i don’t always have time to sit down and write – and i’m not even writing, i’m typing.  how did people WRITE back in the day?!  this is the kind of stuff i think about… i mean, i know how they did it – it just baffles me when i think about the fact that they did. it blows my mind how much we’ve advanced and yet how much we lack basic knowledge of what i would consider “common” things… for example, basic writing. at one point in our human existence, we had to take a pencil or pen and a whole ream of paper and sit and write what would now be viewable on a 30 plus inch screen.  what gets me all rant-y about it all is that we have no idea how great we have it… we fill our lives with meaningless crap and other people’s ideas of what “life” should be. and LIFE is so very simple, so very easy… if we can but let go and realize that we aren’t living it, IT is living through us… does that make sense? well, at least this is what i believe.

we get to breathe every day.  do you know how much has to exist, work together, and create inside of our bodies for that to happen? it’s ridiculous!  i wish i could go back to like, what? – 9th grade science – and learn all about the human body again… and really pay attention this time.

or just go the library and get a huge book on it.

or google the $h!t out of it. Continue reading →

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{wordy wednesday} – i am.

22 Aug

hello you faithful readers, you.

so much is happening. a lot of energy is coming from everywhere.

i have been through some of the worst – i mean, the worst depression of my life… i’m comfortable in saying that i’m out of it now. i don’t want to think it has potential to ever surface again, but i’m a rational person – it might. however, i feel so completely different lately that i don’t know if it will ever have as much reign over me as it did this bout.  i’m telling you, it was awful. be thankful i didn’t blog about it, even though sometimes i wanted to – just to get it out of my head.

whatever, i don’t want to waste too much energy even talking about the fact that i suffer{ed} from that horrible debilitating condition.  well, it’s the human condition, actually.  suffering, pain, fear, separation… we all deal with it, in some fashion. some of us talk about it, some of us take it out on others, some of us take it out with drugs, some of us live a secluded life avoiding interacting with anything or anyone at all…

i guess my point is, i have so much to write about lately because now that i’m out of that horrible dark tunnel, i see the light and it’s so incredibly bright i can hardly stand it.  it’s like my favourite quote –

“our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  it is our light, not our darkness, which most frightens us.”

yeah.  good stuff.  and so, i’m feeling somewhat like that – only, less afraid, more excited.  i’m like, “holy crap that light is so damn bright – i can’t wait to be sucked up in it and spitting it back out at everything i see!!!” Continue reading →

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